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27
Virginia
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When were you at your weakest: The spring/summer of 2003 after the father of my oldest child and then fiance dumped me back on my mothers door step with our 7/8 month old baby. I had been diagnosed with Bipolar DO shortly after her birth and then he took a job in another city and forced me to move there two hours away from everything I knew. Needless to say I didnt cope well couldnt get stabilized and he wasnt supportive at all. Not to mention we were very young...I was 18 and he was 20. So he got tired of me being "crazy" and dumped me and our daughter on my moms doorstep. From there I just fell apart in every way. My bipolar symptoms were out of control I was manic and rebellious and suicidal all at the same time. I wanted to go out and stay out all night couldnt focus on taking care of the baby etc. So I gave custody of her to his parents and proceeded to be wild and crazy. Met ppl I had no real business hanging out with bounced from guy to guy etc. Looking back Im REALLY lucky I didnt get hurt or even killed from some of the stupid stuff I did. I also had a strong addiction to cutting.
When were you at your strongest: When I finally started getting my life back together. I went to nursing school in 2004 graduated with my LPN in 2005. That was the first major step in a LONG journey back to a stable sane life. I also faced up to my mental health issues (I was in denial for the longest time) got help meds etc. It was still an uphill battle and one I face every day.
How are you feeling now: Today 9/13/11 I have to say Im feeling the best I think I have ever felt. I have a great supportive husband who has stuck by me through many trials and tribulations. In 2009 I gave birth to another beautiful baby girl and also got shared custody of my oldest daughter with her father. I still struggled with mood swings until very recently I sought out a new psychiatrist who right away put me on a med combo that has made me feel ALIVE. Im more motivated happy able to deal with stress etc. So now the next step in my journey is to start counseling for the sexual abuse I endured as a child which led to PTSD. Im scared but hopeful at the same time :)
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19
California
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When were you at your weakest: Whenever I have to sleep alone and be alone with my thoughts.
When were you at your strongest: Standing on the top of Volcan Pacaya in Guatemala, watching the sunset and knowing I climbed the entire thing by myself.
How are you feeling now: Like I'm fading
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19
Texas
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When were you at your weakest: I was at my weakest in my 2 year on-and-off-again relationship with my last boyfriend. My self-confidence was so low that I endured all the sexual, mental, emotional, and physical abuse he put me through. Almost every night of our relationship I went home and cut myself. I needed to cry but refused. I couldn't - that was weakness. I thought I had control. Soon enough it became to where I had to cut several times a day to even function. To even move. I even did it a few times in public when I was out with him. I stayed with him because I was afraid to be alone. And I guess I was a little scared of him too. The abuse got worse every time I tried to leave him. He threatened to kill himself, to cut himself because he was so miserable. Inevitably I went back. When he cheated on me, I was the one who asked to get back together... me.
One day I thought I was climbing out of that hole: January 1, 2010. I had spent the night at my best friend's house for New Year's and for some reason waking up next to her gave me the strength to break up with him once and for all. It may have been 11 a.m. when I ended it - he didn't leave me alone all day. He called me a whore, a tease, a bitch. That night I did the worst cut I ever had on my leg, the next day I ended up in the (2nd) mental ward.
When were you at your strongest: I'd have to say the time I was at my strongest was when I saw him again at school, 8 months or so after things ended, and stood up to him. I told him the whole truth, everything I had been afraid to tell him before. I told him how much he had hurt me, that I wasn't a bad person because I wasn't ready to have sex with him, that didn't make me a slut. I told him I cut because of the shit he put me through. That I broke up with him because he made me miserable. I didn't hold anything back, and when he asked if he could contact me again, I was brave enough to say no, smile, and walk away.
How are you feeling now: Right now I feel I am in the middle of the two above questions. My girlfriend (the best friend from New Year's in fact) and I have been together for 15 months. I feel loved and cherished for the first time, by someone I was in a serious relationship with. I am also 15 months sober from self-injury. I am still in the grips of the self-injury though, I think. There are times when I feel a right has been stripped from me by making me be sober, by my family threatening to yank my very life from me if I ever slipped up. People tell me I seem much happier but most of the time I don't agree. Life is better, sure, I am thankful to be out of my last relationship and into a much better one, and I am thankful to have the goals that I do. I am studying to possibly make a career in a battered women's shelter. All I know is that I want to change the world, and that gives me life.
I do still get suicidal, truly suicidal, maybe once every 2 or 3 weeks. But that's better than 6 months ago. I have my girlfriend and the man I consider my father to thank for that. I am still waiting, quite impatiently, for the future to reveal itself and for me get away from this depression.
One day, if not one minute, at a time.
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16
Indianapolis , Indiana , US
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When were you at your weakest: I was at my weakest when I was being sexually abused . I was a very troubled kid then . I felt alone .
When were you at your strongest: I was at my strongest when I began to feel that I have control of my life .
How are you feeling now: I have mixed emotions . There could be days when I feel perfectly fine , but then the next day I could be so angry , or sad . But I am becoming a little happier each day that passes .
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17
New Zealand
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When were you at your weakest: I guess I was my weakest when I was being sexually abused when I was a child. He told me to not tell anyone, I didn't. I was a kid, didn't know it was wrong and there was nobody who could help me. This went on for around 4years.
When were you at your strongest: When I met a really amazing friend who has supported me through all the tough times I have had. I really feel that when I finally let what happened to me out I was strong. I had courage to open up and im happy and proud of myself for doing that.
How are you feeling now: These past couple of days I have been feeling good and bad. I have come to realise that some times it is really hard but then there are moments where you feel on top of the world. I have more self confidence and feel good right at the moment.
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30
Mesa, Arizona
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When were you at your weakest: I was at my weakest when I was protecting my abusers. When I remained silent, ashamed, beaten down and broken from that night. One night, changed my life, leaving me devastated and alone. My faith in others was destroyed and more importantly my faith in myself was tarnished.
When were you at your strongest: I am strong every time I can say my abusers name. Every time I can say it, tell my story and not cower, or want to throw up, then I know he will not have power over me anymore. And I will finally be free.
How are you feeling now: I am pursing a journey of healing. I am waking up in the morning and getting dressed, putting one foot in front of the other. I am exhausted, both physically, spiritually and mentally. I have moments of complete and utter disappointment, and I just want to scream. But then I look back and realize that God has brought me so far. That I got out of bed today, and I wasn't a few months ago. I am believing that God will be true to his word, and give me beauty for my ashes, and I plan on holding him to it.
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20
Pennsylvania
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When were you at your weakest: In Spring 2004, I was being sexually abused by my brother. My grandfather was slowly dying with six months to live. I was being bullied by classmates at school.I still have scars in my arm from them. I was suicidal and depressed. It was also the year I was diagnosed with asthma. I didn't have a way to cope at all. I was challenged everyday and I am still challenged by what that year made me lose.
When were you at your strongest: This past year I spent five months in Australia. I made friends who understood who I truly was and what I cared about. They knew all about my past and they didn't judge me for it. Even though, we are far apart now, I know those friendships will last. Through the years, I've learned to cope with all the stuff life has thrown at me. These months that I spent away from everyone, getting a fresh start, it allowed me to heal more than anything else ever has.
How are you feeling now: At the moment, I still struggle with what I have lost through death, abuse, distance, and pain. Yet, I understand that believing that I can surpass it allows me to truly move on. I will continue to have my past and painful memories but I don't have to be broken because of it. I don't believe that it has to hurt me now. I have changed from who I was then and it's not going to effect who I am anymore.
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36
Calgary, Alberta, Canada
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When were you at your weakest: Whenever I returned to the place I grew up, as an adult. Especially if I ever saw my abuser/uncle, which seemed to be every couple of years. I remember always feeling like I was in darkness, even if I smiled or interacted with others. I never wanted to go there, but all of my mom's family are in that same area. If I wanted to see my grandparents (the only brightness of the visits), I would have to see everyone else who tolerated him (abuser), and still treated him like he was perfectly normal.
When were you at your strongest: The day I decided to never return to the place I grew up, no matter what. I felt light, I felt that I was finally a champion for myself, and that no one could ever again make me feel worthless and pathetic, or wrong. That was almost two years ago. It hasn't always been easy, but it's always felt right.
How are you feeling now: Most days I don't even think about the family I chose to exclude, but every now and then they will creep into my thoughts. Right now, my mother still visits her family because she (of course) wants to see her parents. Her siblings that I no longer see are just part of the package and she tolerates their bullshit for now. I try not to feel that she isn't on my side because of this; I know that she will likely stop going back once her parents are gone. Sometimes I get get pissed off that I had to be the one to leave, when he should have been kicked out of our lives years ago. But I remember that they are not as strong as me, and they could never be champions.
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24
Pretoria
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When were you at your weakest: I was abused by a family member on a regular basis for the first 11 years of my life. This caused a lot of weak moments. I suffered from Bulimia and my body was weakened to the point where I couldn't function any more. The worst was when I was standing in a field. I had my father's pistol and was about to shoot myself. This was 30 September 2000
When were you at your strongest: The day I told the truth about what he did to me. It was the day when I realised that I didn't have to keep the promises that I made to him about keeping the secret. That day I realised that he didn't have the right to do what he did to my body and soul. It was 30 September 2001 and I celebrate that day every year as my "real" birthday.
How are you feeling now: I struggle with depression, but enjoy my life. I know that my childhood will always be there, but I have accepted that.
I know now that I have worth and that I can do some small things to contribute to the world around me.
I'm in a wonderful 5yr old relationship with the greatest man who was also abused and we have learned to love each other in the way that we never got the chance to learn from our parents.
I'm happy, but sometimes at the strangest times the fear takes over. In these times I listen to Alanis Morisette's "Hands clean" and remember that it's his hands that are stained, not mine.
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41
Colorado
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When were you at your weakest: When my kids were taken from my life in a very unjusted corrupt system and placed into an abusive home!!! I have lost everything I've ever known, my kids, my business, home everything!!
When were you at your strongest: I try to be everyday but I'm also weak everyday. I believe the very fact I have lived through this makes me strong!!
How are you feeling now: I don't know what to do where to go or how to get my life back!!
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